A New Feminine Frequency
It's almost as if there is this thin layer of plastic wrap separating me from the rest of the world. I can see everything - but it's just a little wavy. I can hear everything - but it's just a little muffled.
I am awake, I am alive. But I am in the slow lane. I am in the quiet car of the train.
This state of being does not match my needs. Actually, scratch that. It matches my needs perfectly. It just doesn't align with the requirements of my business.
I have a women's retreat coming up in July. And there's a way I need to be to invite women into it. I know that way. I have been that way many times. It inspires women to want to come and be with me. Not for what I have to teach. Let's face it, we all know everything. Truly, we do. And if we don't, we can buy a book.
It's an energetic invitation. It's like sending out a radio wave - you can't see it or hear it unless you're on the right frequency. If you're not, you just get static or silence. If you are - BOOM - loud and clear.
And I know my signal has changed. At least, the frequency I have been on in the past. The one that vibrates like a very long and steady orgasm, from my fingertips on the keys here, to wherever you are out there. You can't help but feel it - and you want to join me there.
That's a delicious space. I know that space so well. I trust I will visit it again. I am a regular there.
But now, I am exploring a new frequency. Ushered in by a new spot in my lifecycle.
I am in my deepest mother's heart. Sending my vibration across oceans and mountains and history and hill towns, as my oldest daughter roams the earth in search of herself. I hold her balloon string from here. I use all of my rooting and grounding, all of my steadiness, all of my connection to earth and calm - to keep her safe in faraway lands.
To hold a child from afar is a new and precious skill. To keep an open heart and hand, to not smear her with my anxiety and worry, but to rejoice in the wind in her wings.
This requires a maturity and wisdom that is new to me. It is growing inside me, in the space she once inhabited.
It seems that the womb is never truly empty. It's just used differently now.
I am dancing a daughter's long goodbye. Releasing my own mother from places inside me that need to move on now. Forgiving her, for all of it. Acknowledging the ghost that she is becoming, day by day. Honoring who she has been for me, even as she is no longer connected to those parts of herself. Maybe, eventually, loving her in a way I haven't felt safe enough to feel before. In a way my heart and soul probably need. A way that is completely foreign to me.
This is a deep dance of mystery to me. One that is only beginning to reveal itself. One that felt, when it first visited me, like a three-alarm fire that no one else could see or smell but me. Until I realized, the fire is me. And I know how to burn.
In this quiet car of the train, I am stitching pieces of my lineage together, like a quilt.
Looking for the stories on the squares, wondering how large it will be, what it will show me when it's done. Not knowing how long this ride is, or if I'll be ready when I arrive.
All I can think to do is invite you to join me from here. This frequency. Because I don't think it's changing any time soon.
I promise you will still find your orgasm. In fact, I kind of love the fact that you won't find it through mine. You'll find it because it's yours. And it's hiding in plain sight.
I promise you will understand sisterhood in a new way. You will begin to live it differently. It will change your cells, re-route your nervous system. Heal you in ways you didn't even know you needed.
I promise you will unlock your desire, discover your voice, own your wisdom, and challenge whatever ways you use to remain tight in a bud, protecting yourself instead of living.
That girl will fall away, and a new woman will rise. That's just what happens when we set the space and intention and show up honest and ready. Together.
And I also promise you something that feels quite new and precious to me...
A ride into the deep mystery of the feminine. A glimpse of the infinity that lives inside you. A taste of the quiet essence of you that lives underneath whatever drama, disappointment, circumstances, distractions, discomfort, and even, the grip of desire.
My sisters, my loves, I am in a new place. It is rich and deep. It is solid and quiet.
It is the result of a lengthy unfolding, of letting in wild and free, of shaking off shame, of becoming fire. It is the fruit of so many labors over so many years. It is dessert.
There is a next place. And I want to share it with you, even as I am actively and tenderly exploring it myself.
If you can hear this frequency, come. It means it's your time.
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